In the New Millennium: comb over; a visually complex, excessively be zippered and jingly biker jacket (though I only rode a ten speed); bicycle shorts that pinched my balls, Italian cycling hat with that useless zipper bikini, upturned bill, mesh tops, sweatpants, prominently branded track suits; lo rise socks exposing my shiny, depilated shins; giant, expensive athletic shoes that incorporated various but ultimately pointless gadgets. Weekend wear: bathrobe, spilled coffee cute bathing suits halter bikini top, financial pages over my face. Accessories: “hot tip” stock symbol written somewhere on my arm in Sharpie; Celtic armband tattoo; moleskin doughnuts to cushion heel blisters; bandaids over chafed nipples; pocket sized bottle of Solarcaine to ease road rash and runner chafe; digital stopwatch on a lanyard; Zune.
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